A word on my new dentist

She’s professional and competent and doesn’t for a moment wax lyrically

The filling went in just fine after we got the tooth out.
This new ceramic, well, you can hardly tell it’s there.
And once we polish it, now that’s something to be proud of.

You can display it anywhere, (she said,
Her own immaculate calcium gleaming)
I’ve had patients who hang theirs from the rearview mirror
Or who englass it as a paperweight.
I also have a jeweler I can recommend.

There will be a little discomfort for a few days
Sylvie, do show him the Care and Maintenance brochure,
But it’s perfectly usual, everyone adjusts soon enough.
Do you mind if I get a selfie?

And yes, let’s not forget that social media traction
You didn’t opt in for the ‘process media’ we captured
But we can still extend rights to you to use it, if you wish.
Sylvie, make sure he gets the Tips & Tricks card with the recommended hashtags.

You simply have to settle on a strategy:
noble but traumatized victim, aggrieved citizen, or proud hero;
brutal street tough, body mod lifestylist, or political masochist
Each has its advantages today, so I’m certain whatever deductible you have
Will be worth it.

Of course you know others who have had several fillings by now
But as your dentist I have to warn you it’s not for everyone
The ROI, shall we say, diminishes with each removal,
No matter how significant.
In your case, you can join the ranks of those who sacrificed
without being overly inconvenienced.

It’s an ideal position, after all.
Just look at it: How beautiful, how intimate, how routine
The perfect badge
Sylvie, do we have that Limitations and Stipulations document handy?

And there! Mmm! All polished up and ready to go!
I want you to have the grandest day! Merry Christmas, too!
Do you know we can now do home visits?
I think you might – oh, there’s a little . . . Sylvie, napkin please.